Tale of Two Beans From the Authors/Chapter One

Tale of Two Beans

Time after time, many of us hear stories of great friends and of friends that become enemies. Yet rarely will a story like ours ever be told. Maybe its because it hasn’t been written yet… We’re hoping the first installment to our series will appeal to you all. What has inspired us to write something like this is a sudden calling to entertain. We want to capture that whole essence of showing people that reading a book isn’t a waste of time and you don’t need a story that is structured with a bunch of syntax and complicated uses of diction or repetitive rhetoric terms. “Tale of Two Beans” is basically the story of how Ivan and me came about to being best friends. After surviving countless beatings by our devout Catholic parents and going about daily life from yester years to the dawns of tomorrow. We don’t want this to be a blog or anything like that because we actually want to publish this. It might not win a Pulitzer Prize but what we’re hoping is that people actually read. Understand that at times, the story is intended to be humorous, therefore it will have all the juicy things that people will laugh at like why we fail with ladies, or our comparisons of different ways of being spanked.
As for parents, if you are one, this will also be suitable for you. Luckily honors English students are writing this story, so hopefully it is understandable. Note that this book will also contain swearing, so when you read this to children, im sure when we have money in our pockets, we will publish a “cleaned up” version for children. Till then, we recommend that middle school and up read this. Some names had to be changed do to the fact that we understand that they may not all want to be mentioned.
If at any point in the story, you find yourself lost, please feel free to start the chapter over, or just ask us what we were thinking at the time. We assure you that we love our parents, despite countless "spankings" and scoldings for the crazy things we planned. As long as we don’t get any threats to our parents we will continue the series so long as we get some positive reviews.
We’d like to thank Alyxe Barnes for giving us the idea to write this novel and we’re hoping that you all will like this series. Till then we expect you all to be patient while this is being written. Below is a complimentary Chapter One from the Novel. Enjoy and we’d love to hear you’re feedback!

NOW! The Preview: CHAPTER 1- Yesteryears

In the bitter autumn of 1998, two families enrolled their first-born sons into possibly one of the lousiest elementary schools ever. With every hope of finding a reason to keep on attending school, the two boys desperately had to make friends because the playground at this school was a harsh place to be. With the first recess being run by the ghetto kids from worse parts of the city and lunchtime being run by the white kids on the jungle gym, the duo formed plots to flip the playground in their favor. Daniel, the eldest of the duo, was stuck in a classroom with kids that picked their noses and stuck their boogers onto other children, while Ivan was trapped in a classroom with an extremely hot teacher (the ass!). The separate classes offered ideal places to scheme and ponder the events for each day.
With Christmas rounding the corner, and the school’s first annual pancake breakfast coming near, the boys saw it the perfect season to begin their mass take over. Daniel knew that with his mother running the booster club, he could sneak free pancakes to Ivan and himself. Ivan’s mother was in charge of monitoring how many people witnessed the event. Both Ivan and Daniel knew that the other kids would find it cool if they were able to consume boatloads of pancakes. It was typical in school that the cook made an endless supply of the delicious golden pieces of heaven. With Daniel sneaking the pancakes past the nefarious Mr. Farp, and Ivan arranging the table for the mass consumption that was about to take place, it seemed like their dream of becoming the coolest kids on the playground was going to come true. Yet somehow, something didn’t feel right.
Daniel, having the larger appetite of the two friends, was well onto his sixth pancake while Ivan was still finishing his third. Without knowing, Mr. Farp was overlooking the whole competition and the cheers from other playground kids drew him closer to view the event. With one quick snap, he yelled for them to halt and drop their forks. His cold stare sent chills through Daniel’s spine and pretty soon he was shaking in his own seat so violently that he could not overcome his need to be flatulent. Ivan yelped at the sound of Daniel passing gas and quickly covered his nose and just as a chain reaction, so did the rest of the children in the room.
Mr. Farp called Daniel to his office and made him sit on the abnormally large chair, which was elevated high enough to maintain perfect eye contact. It was Daniel’s first time in an office, and he had never been so nervous in his life. His stomach churned and twisted inside and he knew for a fact that butterflies were not what were causing this. He had consumed enough pancakes to provide a Prius with gas for a month and the stomach cramps began to be unbearable.
Despite Mr. Farp’s scolding, Daniel needed to find a restroom or else he would commit the playgrounds most original sin: pooping in one’s own pants. A jingle at the door caught the attention of Mr. Farp and it made for the perfect distraction for Daniel to escape and make his way down the seemingly endless hallway to the restroom. Unfortunately other boys were using all the tiny stalls and Daniel was becoming ever so desperate. He finally conceded with himself and ran into the girls restroom stalls where he relieved himself and the gates of life became open again.
To his dismay, Mr. Farp had been waiting there the entire time. The large man led him right back into the classroom, where everything remained silent. Daniel’s head hung low and he felt ashamed, yet a sudden giggle burst out of from the most awkward silence. Mr. Farp had begun to laugh uncontrollably and pretty soon he was smiling and everyone else laughed. Confused and troubled, Daniel had no idea what was going on. Ivan soon walked over to him and told Daniel that the other kids were impressed by his bravery to enter where no boy without a cool lunchbox had gone before. Apparently everyone thought it was cool for Daniel to go into the girl’s restroom and they understood that it took a lot of courage to go inside even with the risk of being infected with the dreaded coodies virus. Deep down Daniel just thought it was all a case of dumb luck, but his confidence had now begun to peak and he loved the attention he was receiving.
Later, when the boys were home, Daniel walked around the yard kicking dandelions into the wind and enjoying time thinking over what had happened during the long day. Ivan walked over to Daniel and the two both through acorns into the street talking about how they could have seriously screwed up. Neither complained however, of the sudden popularity they had gained at school. The event marked the beginning of the two greatest schemers the world has ever had.